Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Cant Help to Wonder

they said yu not suppose stay in the past because yu will never be focused on the future but i think I cant seem to wonder. wonder; to speculate curiously or be curious about; be curious to know. i love the life i live and live the life i love but retrospecting is a addiction. i pitcure me back with my REAL friends up howard university upward bound, walking to the playground and gossiping, or jus on the phone talking about what girls aways talk about; BOYS and RELATIONSHIPS. i picture myself striving up the hill when i had a half a day Potomac wiff my walking partner zo, jus to go to sleep and eat good at home.the most part i keep back tracking to the days of being happy. I mean really happy, when the olny time i would cry was when i was on my period. I have so many wishes now that Santa wouldnt even wanna listen to! wishing that i was a different person in my past relationships, From someone to me that is really noone really to me (if you get what im saying) told me that i was obsessed with a dead person because he died. saying " hes dead, hes not coming back"Everyone who is everyone said that hes crazzy because we were in love and we was in a realationship and it was still a close one when he left, BUT as i keep thinkn on what he said, ( other than the fact that he was jealous because i didnt show him no attention) it came to my attention that im not obsessed but i am held back in a certain position because at time i am sleepless, restless and i cry jus of the memories that is repeatly in my head of him. Him.if you dont know who him is by now you have no exsistance to bee a supporter of my blog. i can write a book,i can give yu a feeling that you never felt in your soul describing him. At times i think its a big concern because i think if i was there i would of got in front of him. if i would of took him with me that weeknd. It wouldnt had been him. i feel this because there is noone on this earth for me, as hard as it is to believe i am positive! i feel hearltless when i talk to people, I literally dont give a fuck to be honest!. some people say i am wierd because i start off liking them but it always diverges, so now i dont bother to get into any of nonsense they call love .i cant help to wonder from the past. i want to continue with the real world and move forward but my mind backtracks. Yes day to day i interact with this world and maintain efficeny but i know deep deep down inside whats really up. i dont know what to do. as i think of it now my mom thought i was going to his gravesite a little to much because its by her house. am i insane??. i cant help to wonder will i be lonly in this life on earth. god.Please I Hope Not