Monday, January 18, 2010

Dear M o m m a !

its so much stuff that i cant exlain about you
all i know is that you do what you do but you definitly love me
growing up i realized you had less than nothing. I apologize a million times that i didnt do nothing when you where crying. Growing up I was the youngest and it was essential for me to not understand i never spoke, i never talked but i indeed had a plan. See this plan had nothing to do with money, nothing to do with books nor clothes.. my plan was to break this crycle of abluse and free alot of souls. See even though i was 10 and seeing my mom doing drugs or running out every night like i was sleep when my eyes where closed., Momma i was very smart for my age ma, when kids asked did i smoke i said hell no! my senior year in h.s, i took classes at PGCC and I earned a college credit "B" in psychology.i remember me using my skills and every explaination in the book for " behavior " why the ways are the ways between us, and even though you never asked what grade i received or didnt give any help, i found the answer. See through the veins of our families we are strong but we sure been though alot. grandma was adopted and been through alot of families. Alot of babies but indeed strong. See momma greatgrandma committed sucide and didnt even claim her. Grandma told me that she just kept talkin about her brother and thats all she knew. So grandma worked for everything she got and cries to this day when we ask her about it. She told me that she wasnt able to give you a great childhood but she is sorry. See Momma i may not understand why the help you got didnt work or why i cant seem to bond with you at the age of 18 , its something with that untouch love when i was young that everyone got but with me? it was unseen. My plan to break this curse this certain secret that tears my family apart has to come to a end, the new beginning is with me!. momma even though you was a fiend , you steal resemble a black queen for me. When i was hungry or even bored at times you would find a way to stop the hunger with $1.90 and find the free activities that we  would have fun at. im 18 Momma, see i cant go back in time to find time that we couldnt always share, see im in college and i dont do any more dares! I understand now you want to care and share now me and my 2 older brothers cant be there. so this makes you turn back to the dark vallyes of hell. We dont even act as a family anymore but i try my best to show you even though it seems low. I heared my older brother use to always call you when he had a bad dream and  hold your hand, something slipped now you and him live in seperate lands and me idk when it started but we at war and we hurt each other feelings without it showing. It seems like every word that comes out your mouth is a sense of deplore!, a critisim, a hard hit in my face so i fight back cause when you get hurt its like a reaction. who knows where we been at but Mikey he seems to understand it all!. I watched him all these years and he seems to understand you the most. Its like he been there done that and came back for more!. i think thats why im so close to him and i cant lie, when he use to put me out his room when he had company i would cry. He use to let me suck my thumb when everyone wrapped it up or give me anything jus because i would ask. ibet if he had .50 he would find a way to give me at least 3.... all this beef i wish it could end, until then i will stick to my plan to end the cylce.Just like 2 pac no matter what you are appreciated in 2010 im apprecitaed for everything thats in my life because Momma everything that happenand will happen to me shall make me Great.

Them Goals Bees A Must!

my new years goals and all; i try to keep it uncomparable. you know not the usual "Preserve water", "recycle more", " get better Goals".... The yadayada, day to day objectives.This year 2010, im going to keep it simple. 

"Strive by all means necessary" - better than the next and the rest by my own inner beings. reading when im staring ( i do that alot), cleaning while im on the phone( i do this alot too,lol) and i guess you can say double up my earning

"Open myself" - by doing this maybe i can learn more and do more. Its a crazy world out there and i needs to know what paths to take even if its dirty and creepy

" intern, jobs, and Volunteering" - building my leadership

its some i didnt mention because usually when i dont say it and just do it, it ends up being more on the top of my mind then in the back... the biggest one has to be listed to keep me going day to day

My blessings go to Haiti

LEOGANE, HAITI -- Townspeople say as many as 500 nuns, priests and students were crushed to death when the cream-colored walls of the Sainte Rose de Lima School collapsed in last Tuesday's earthquake, a disaster that destroyed the emotional and physical centerpiece of this city.

" its so much that can be explained from this tradegy that happen during my years, the pain, the apprehension, and the notknowing from all the families is unbearing. im sorry for the lost and my prayers goes to everyone there. Huurricane Katrina, our 911, and this earthquake makes me believe that life has its plans. im currently working on trying to help in my own way as possible. i hope things work out better for up and comming beings and god bless america..... truly"

                                                                                      - Micole Barnes
                                                                                         January 18th,2010

20010; Gimme My Clappp

God it feels good to be me in 2010.i thought high, i searched low. i analyzed the strongest man and tallest barbie( and you know damn well its not N.Minaj ) so i came up this brilliant idea.. i am blessed to be me( yea i know it could of been kind of obvious). this perspective i had on bad luck in my backpocket and haunting me has came to a end..I am human. i make mistakes and its only human enough for me to make more( dakota fanning type stuff) 20010 is here and i made it!.. me and my hard headiness, my tricks, and my lies and im here! lil buttbutt done alot of stuff and since im 18 enough is enough...lets see what happens in 20010.( i love sayin 20010 as you can see) .. frm 2009 makeup to break ups back to makeups, waking up late for classes, being bored just because i could be, sleeping the whole days, acting shady, dies, cries!, long relationships over the phone from jail!, everythingg!... im do done 2009, kiss my rear end!.. let see what my 20010 brings ( ill know by spring,lmao)